Ed to society
by DM-Stealth
Summary: The aftermath of Eddy's latest scam results in Edd's capture by the kids demanding refunds. What will become of their fallen comrade and can he be saved? - Reviews welcome. Rated K plus to be on the safe side but slash free. CHAPTER 8 UP!
1. Man with the plan

Chapter 1: Man with the Plan

The morning sun shone down on the houses that lined the Cul-de-sac, signifying the start of a new day. With each new day brought opportunities, entertainment and of course a new scam or two for the Eds to put into motion.

It wasn't like Eddy to be preparing to fleece so early on a Saturday, but this scam had come to him in a dream and had him up the rest of the night. This time he was convinced this scheme would have the trio drowning in a sea of jawbreakers. So there he was sitting in at a counter in a pair of overalls rubbing his hands together, Double-D studying blueprints beside him while Ed gathered various items from the dump.

"We've so got it made this time Double-D!" Eddy shouted, smiling confidently.

Edd rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, no doubt about it we are bound for success."

Eddy frowned. It was rare for him to pick up on Double-D's sarcastic tone, but this was one of those moments.

"What's your problem Sockhead?" he asked. "You've been talking like that all morning!"

Edd looked up from the blueprints and shot Eddy an incredulous look.

"What's my problem Eddy? I have nothing to gripe about," Edd answered, still in a sarcastic tone. "I quite enjoyed being woken at 3 AM by a phone call followed by your shouting pounding through my skull resulting in a gargantuan headache!"

"I want a pet gargantua Double-D!" yelled Ed excitedly.

Ed had returned from the junkyard, dropping various engine parts and metallic objects onto the path behind the counter. The other two Eds gave him a strange stare, although they shouldn't be surprised by his random outbursts.

"I believe you mean iguana Ed," Edd corrected.

Ed became even more excited. "Where Double-D?!"

This routine was beginning to get to Eddy. "There's no iguana Lumpy! Go get the sandwich board!"

The taller Ed saluted. "SANDWICH BOARD! Hold the lettuce!

Eddy grumbled and turned back to Edd, who still looked annoyed. He grabbed Edd's shirt and held him face-to-face.

"You won't be complainin' when we're counting our mountain of cash!" he assured, giving Edd a wink.

Edd pulled himself away from Eddy and folded his arms, his mood unchanged. "Surely you jest! There are only so many children that inhabit this Cul-de-sac, and if we were to charge our usual amount we will only generate a profit of-"

"PROFIT!" Eddy shouted, cutting him off. "And that means cash! You know it Double-D! This scam'll be the best one yet!"

Edd buried his face in his hands. It was no use trying to discuss anything with Eddy once he had those dollar signs clouding his vision. Eddy would have to learn from his mistakes, but it did seem odd that he had yet to do so from failed scams in the past.

Edd sighed. "Fine, I'll continue to assist you in your self-serving endeavor… not like I had much of a choice in the matter…"

"Trust me Double-D!" replied Eddy, grinning from ear-to-ear. "What could go wrong?"


	2. Fixed

Chapter 2: Fixed

"Look Sarah!" Jimmy yelled. "Ed is sporting a message!"

Sarah looked up from the tea party setting, already gritting her teeth. Running around in circles whilst laughing incessantly was her brother Ed, wearing a sandwich board that read 'Mend-Ed – Open for Bizness' above an arrow.

Sarah groaned. "What are those idiots up to this time?"

"I'm curious Sarah!" Jimmy replied. "We must find out what they can mend!"

"Don't do it Jimmy!" Sarah warned. "It's just another trick by that creep Eddy!"

Jimmy shook his head and got up. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained Sarah."

It was no use trying to talk him out of it, as Jimmy was already making a dash towards the indicated location. Sarah followed behind him, balling up her fists in preparation to perform amateur dental care on the Eds.

Eddy cleared his throat. "Never fear! Mend-Ed is here! There ain't nothing we can't fix!"

Jimmy and Sarah joined the group of kids that was forming in front of a wooden stall not unlike your average lemonade stand, where Eddy stood on the counter holding a makeshift megaphone to his mouth. Edd was stationed behind the counter wearing one of his trademark ties, trying his best to smile look approachable. Ed continued his circling around the group, his laughter still audible during Eddy's sales pitch.

Eddy continued his pitch. "For only a small fee, me and my crack team of experienced technich…tech…nick…"

"Technicians Eddy," Edd muttered.

"Tinkerers can fix anything you throw at us!" Eddy continued, avoiding repeating the word he had struggled with.

Sarah's opinion had not changed. "How 'bout a fist?!"

Eddy gave Sarah a raised eyebrow, whilst Edd was clearly intimidated by the threat to his well-being. However that was only one unconvinced, the other kids still seemed interested.

"Can you fix Mr. Yum-Yum?" Jimmy inquired, extremely interested.

Edd raised an eyebrow. "You actually still have the remains?"

"Of course we can!" answered Eddy. "Double-D is a wiz at sewing and all that girly stuff!"

"I object to that statement mister!" Edd protested.

Ed took this moment to add his input. "GIRLY STUFF! Huh-huh-huh!"

"How 'bout a boombox dork?" Kevin asked, expecting a no from the trio.

"If we broke it, we can make it better!" Ed answered, once again saluting.

Eddy scowled at Ed, even though his statement was true. The Eds were often responsible for the damages to personal property, those two objects an example. Hence Eddy knew this would be the perfect scam. There was always something that needed repair in the Cul-de-sac, especially when Ed's around.

Eddy had to wrap it up. "So go get your breakables and we'll unbreak them before lunch here at Mend-Ed!"

Edd sweated nervously as the kids retrieved their broken belongings. Once they had brought the items to the stall he handed each kid a claim ticket, crudely drawn on toilet paper by Ed. Edd knew that they could never fix everything before lunch! Something was up, as always was the case with Eddy. Once the group had dispersed, he had a chat with his friend who was already sniggering and rubbing his hands together thinking too far ahead.

"And how do you suggest we repair all these items before lunchtime today?" Edd inquired, dreading the answer.

Eddy remained confident. "Oh how hard can it be Double-D? Lumpy's already got the right idea!"

Eddy was right. Ed had started his attempt at repair of Kevin's boombox without the other two. This might have been a good effort, that is, if he wasn't trying to remove the back with a spatula.

Ed smiled as he levered the spatula. "I hope a right idea doesn't leave a mark!"

Eddy burst out laughing while Edd tried to wrestle the spatula from Ed's grip unsuccessfully. At this rate, Edd knew they'd have twice as many items to mend if this was how his friends were going to go about it.


	3. Success?

Chapter 3: Success?

Eddy wiped the drool from his mouth. "This is it boys, before you know it we'll be at the candy store!"

"I doubt it Eddy," Edd mumbled, refusing to look at him.

"What?" Eddy whined. "Everything's fixed! Now we collect the profits for all our hard work."

Ed smiled. "Hooray for prophets Eddy!"

Edd scoffed, still avoiding eye contact with the shortest of the trio. Eddy would soon live up to his reputation of taking something as innocent as a repair service and turning it into a con job. Since taking the spatula Edd had been preoccupied with organization to witness what horrors Ed was inflicting on the items he was supposed to be repairing and had not seen the end result. He dreaded the kid's reactions upon their return

Ed pointed down the street. "LOOK! Something this way comes guys!"

Right on time, the kids of the Cul-de-sac were leaving their respective homes and were en-route to the stand. Some appeared inquisitive, such as Rolf, whether Eddy would live up to his promise despite his track record, whereas the majority was more suspicious. As the saying goes, they'll believe it when they see it.

"They better have the cash, I hate lay-away," Eddy grumbled.

"WELCOME!" the tallest Ed yelled. "The red zone is for loading and unloading only!"

Rolf frowned. "Rolf has trouble interpreting the custom the simple Ed boy refers to yes?"

"Don't sweat it," Kevin assured. "He's just being a DORK as usual."

Rolf was puzzled further. "Ducks? Rolf sees no ducks."

Edd decided to allow eye contact with Eddy, whom was racking his brain to decipher the inane conversation.

Eddy decided to put it to rest before Ed decided to confuse Rolf even more. "Err yes! Welcome back to Mend-Ed! Where there's nothin' we can't-"

"Where's our stuff?!" Sarah demanded, instantly irate.

Eddy glared. "Alright! Alright! Hold your horses you big mou-"

Ed darted over and locked Eddy's lips in his grip. "Don't say it Eddy! She will tell mom and I will be imprisoned in the depths of the basement without buttered toast!"

"What Eddy means is everything is as good as new!" Edd piped up to move things along until Ed decided to loosen his grip.

The kids were surprised. Could this be the first time the Ed boys had followed through and kept their word?

"I wouldn't bet on it," Kevin scoffed. "I'll believe it when I see it."

Edd began to tremble. "U-Uh well, if you would just present your claim ticket and your payment you can judge for yourself Kevin!"

"Boombox first DORK!" Kevin demanded.

"No way shovelchin!" Eddy shouted, kicking away Ed and freeing his lips. "Cash up front or forget it! We keep the goods!"

Edd almost expected a stand-off, or to be mobbed by the kids that surrounded them. Eddy and Kevin stared at each other with nothing but contempt for a good long minute, but Kevin finally conceded. He took out a quarter and the ticket and stuffed it into the jar on the counter.

Kevin turned his attention to Edd and sneered. "Boombox, dork."

"Why of course Kevin," Edd replied, forcing a smile. He began rummaging around under the counter, trying to locate the appliance. "Now I know I had everything categorized alphabetically and by respective owner…".

"Why do they call it a boombox when it doesn't go boom Double-D?" Ed asked, holding it up to his ear and listening intently.

"The name isn't quite as literal as that Ed," Edd answered, taking it away from his friend's ear gently.

Edd was actually quite impressed with the appliance. He almost expected it to be mangled beyond recognition left alone with Ed, but it appeared immaculate. He'd even go as far as to offer it his personal seal of approval, and knowing how fussy he was, that's saying a lot.

Kevin's eyes widened when it was given to him in one piece. "Wow, thanks dude."

Edd beamed, slightly more relaxed. "You're quite welcome. Next customer please."

The others had seen what they needed to see and were convinced. They promptly lined up at the counter with their money and tickets, eager to get their belongings.

"Y'see? What did I tell ya?" Eddy gloated. "Would I ever lie to you?"

"Not since this morning Eddy!" Ed replied.

Edd simply could not believe it. This seemed to be their first successful venture. If only he had trusted his instincts…


	4. Consequences

Chapter 4: Consequences

Edd began packing up the stand once all their customers had been served. He wanted to count the takings but Eddy was preventing that, clutching the jar of quarters in his lap and sniggering every few seconds.

Why count them when they would no sooner be exchanged for candy? To Edd this was a milestone for the trio. For the very first time one of their ventures had not come apart during the final moments and also it seemed that few corners were cut. Edd was proud to be a part of it, yet another first.

"What an exceptional morning if I do say so myself," he remarked, smiling confidently.

"You betcha Double-D!" Eddy replied, his gaze at the jar unmoved. "We did it boys! Jawbreaker city, here we come!"

Ed grabbed the gifted boy in a crushing bear hug. "We done good Double-D! Success makes me hungry"

"Ugh yes Ed, I am very proud of you," Edd managed to whisper, struggling for air.

Eddy looked up at the pair and frowned. "No time for soppy stuff Sockhead! Let's go spend these babies!"

"I'm all in favor of that Eddy," Edd answered as Ed released him. "But before we do so, I must ask you something Ed."

Ed nodded rapidly. "I am an open bag of meat byproducts Double-D!"

"Err quite," Edd replied without reading too much into what his friend had just said. "When did you become so educated in the field of electronics? Not to mention all of the other handyman tasks you have performed today?"

Ed cocked his head. "Tsk! Tsk! Only my parents can vote. Even I know that Double-D."

Edd furrowed his brow. "No I wasn't referring to the election process, I was asking about your skills in electr-"

"WHERE ARE YOU DORKS?!" a familiar voice shouted, cutting Edd off mid-sentence.

Edd turned around to discover a very angry Kevin approaching. His face appeared blackened, his shirt was in tatters and his limbs were entangled with a rust-colored material.

"My goodness!" Edd gasped. "What on earth has happened to you? Do you require medical attent-"

"You will soon enough Double-DORK!" Kevin yelled, cutting Edd off once more. He grabbed Edd by the collar and waved the material in front of him. "My boombox is totaled! And this was my fave mix-tape!"

Ed smiled. "YAY! It finally went boom guys!"

"W-well I'm not sure about the boombox Kevin," Edd stuttered. "But that tape could be salvaged with my splicing kit and a respooling…"

Kevin didn't have much of an opening to reply as another voice presented itself. "Where are they?! Look at what they did to my mirror!"

Sarah stormed up and pushed Kevin out of the way. She held up a bucket of reflective shards and the remnants of a frame while she glared at Edd.

"One minute I'm brushing my hair and the next minute the handle breaks off!" Sarah screeched. "When I'm done with you and your stupid friends, you'll think YOU have seven years of bad luck!"

"Don't even talk about hair," yet another voice chimed in. "This ISN'T cool dude!"

Nazz had joined the growing group of unsatisfied customers. She didn't seem to be at her best as her hair was standing petrified to her right. She held a hair dryer in her hand that had imploded and she was less than pleased.

Edd started to sweat as well as tremble. "Oh dear, I apologize for the inconvenience and would be more than happy to rectify the situation!"

But the situation continued to get worse. Rolf stomped up to Edd, their faces separated by an inch.

"You and the other Ed boys will suffer the wrath of Rolf!" he bellowed. "The son of a Shepard's pillbox of captured souls left the immortal coil and destroyed the memory of Rolf's homeland!"

Edd could only guess that he was referring to a movie projector. To be honest, he was surprised Rolf would own such a device as he didn't take too kindly to technology. But then again, Rolf did own a television albeit antiquated.

"I'm sure there's a rational explanation for everything!" he reasoned, struggling to keep his composure.

"We've been had!" Johnny snapped, arriving with Plank under his arm. "Plank is furious at what you did to his yo-yo!"

Johnny held out the yo-yo. Edd and the other kids stared at it for a moment, dumbfounded. On visual inspection there was nothing amiss with the toy.

"What seems to be the problem Johnny?" Edd asked, dreading the answer.

Johnny let go of the yo-yo and gravity took control. But it didn't fall and return as it should have. The yo-yo fell hard against the pavement, leaving an impression and a large crack. What Ed had done to it to behave in that manner was a mystery. The kids turned back to Edd and frowned, expecting an answer.

Edd gulped. "What can I do to help?"

The group advanced on him. "We want our money back!"

"Eeeeeddy?!" he called, frozen with fear.

Edd couldn't understand why his friends had not approached to help him out of this all-too-familiar situation. He took his eyes off the group to look for the pair, but in hindsight he wished he hadn't.

They were nowhere to be seen. Ed and Eddy must have made their escape while the kids were demanding answers. How could they have betrayed him this way? With Eddy anything was possible but Ed of all people?

Edd felt faint. He dreaded what the kids had planned for him when they learn that the money had already disappeared.


	5. Plea Bargain

Chapter 5: Plea Bargain

Edd had to think fast. The kids that now circled him were seething and weren't about to leave until they heard an explanation or received compensation for the grief that the Ed boys had caused. But what possible explanation was there for so many freak occurrences?

That's it! That might actually work!

"Isn't it possible that this is merely a massive bout of misfortune? Perhaps your belongings already carried defects from their respective manufacturers?" Edd queried the kids, doing his best to sound convincing.

"I don't think this is a defect," Jimmy answered, moving towards the front of the group. He cringed as he brought Mr. Yum-Yum into view. A brown liquid was seeping out of the stitching and behind the eyes. Knowing Ed it could only be one thing; Gravy.

Jimmy hid the oddly-stuffed animal as quickly as he produced it. "I will be forever scarred!"

"I've heard enough," Kevin barked. "I'm gonna pound this dweeb so hard he'll need mending."

Sarah gritted her teeth at the athletic boy. "You can pound what's left when I'm finished!"

"Make sure you allow me time to apply the hurting Sarah!" Jimmy called.

Edd's knees began to knock. "T-t-there's no need to do anything rash!"

Rolf rolled up his sleeves. "A rash will be least of your problems talk-all-day Ed boy!"

"What's that Plank?" Johnny asked his sidekick, holding him up to his ear. "Plank says it's the money or the fist. Wow Plank I'm not even gonna repeat that last part!"

"What are you waiting for dude?" Nazz asked Kevin. "You hold him still and I'll get the money myself!"

The kids began to close in. Pretzel legs were only the beginning of what Edd would soon endure. Making a run for it would prove futile, as even Jimmy could outrun him the best of times. Of course that was assuming he could get out of the circle unscathed. In his recollection of traumatic events, this would definitely top the infamous dodgeball incident.

Edd began to bawl, his legs finally giving way thus bringing him to his knees. "I'm sorry! I don't have your money! Eddy took every cent! If I could I'd provide refunds but I can't! HAVE MERCY!"

The kids stopped. Ed, Eddy or the Kankers were no stranger to Edd's extreme emotional displays, but the kids rarely saw them. In fact they were somewhat surprised at his sudden loss of composure. Kevin turned his head towards the other kids slightly and mouthed a 'What the…', which was the general consensus.

Edd clasped his hands together and was now begging. "I'll give you something of equal value, attempt to earn the money by doing the paper route again or I'll even work off the debt! But please refrain from inflicting bodily harm!"

The kids huddled and discussed the situation whilst Edd sobbed in the background. Although Edd assisted Eddy with the thought process of many a scam, Edd was the most honest of the trio. Maybe he really did want to make amends. They took a quick vote and then turned back to him.

Edd stared back at the kids in fear, unsure of what punishment they had planned.


	6. We are two?

Chapter 6: We are two?

Once Ed and Eddy had reached the junkyard, Ed looked behind him. "That was a close shade Eddy!"

"But we still have the cash!" Eddy noted, unable to wipe the smile from his face as he rattled the jar of quarters.

Ed remained concerned. "But something feels funny."

"Keep it down Ed! Can't you see the cash and I are gettin' to know each other better?" Eddy retorted, continuing to rattle the jar.

"Houston we have a probability!" Ed yelled, trying to work out what was bothering him. "Do you know Double-D?"

Ed awaited the lengthy response from his friend. A full minute elapsed without a peep.

"Why aren't you talking to me Double-D?" Ed asked, feeling hurt that he was receiving the cold shoulder.

Again nothing. Ed wheeled around and searched for the boy that refused to answer his questions. Not only was Edd unwilling to communicate but now he was hiding.

"Eddy, can Double-D turn invisible like that guy in the movie _The Day the Mirror had a Vendetta_?" Ed asked Eddy, beginning to worry.

Eddy pulled himself away from the jar and stared at Ed. "Did your brain fall out when you were runnin'?"

"But I can't see him Eddy! And he won't talk to me!" Ed whined.

Eddy groaned. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe he hasn't got here yet?!"

"If he's not here, where did he go?" Ed asked, confused.

"You losin' your memory too Burr head?" Eddy snapped. "He made a distraction while we took the cash!"

Ed took a moment to process this. "Does being a distraction hurt?"

"It will if he hasn't started running from those kids," Eddy sniggered.

Ed once again paused. "The kids have Double-D?!"

"Aw c'mon, you know how he runs," Eddy pointed out. "Just wait an hour and he'll b-"

"THE KIDS HAVE TAKEN DOUBLE-D PRISONER!" Ed yelled. "They will pull out his toenails and feed them to the broccoli fiend from Planet Bee's Bub!"

It was Eddy's turn to look confused. "Bee's what? They'd probably just take that sock off his head or somethin'."

Ed gasped. "Poor little Double-D will be hatless and will choke on Earth air because he will be lactose intolerant!"

"He ISN'T going to die Ed!" Eddy shouted, becoming more and more agitated. "What's the worst they could do? Throw dodgeballs at him?"

Ed had created a budget gravestone using discarded sheet metal while Eddy was shouting. He had drawn a picture of the boy genius, followed by a message that read _Rest in a Piece. Double-Dee. May he forevur talk about dish soap_. Additionally he had placed weeds and other random plants before it. Once he had finished, Ed began to weep silently.

"Double-D. How he knew me," he cried, convinced his friend had met with foul play.

"OH COME ON!" Eddy yelled. "Double-D isn't dead! Like I told you, he's just late or the kids are giving him wedgies! Any minute now he'll be here babbling about how we abandoned him and how we're bad and all that other stuff."

Ed cried even more, thinking that he was responsible. "ED WAS BAD EDDY! The kids will use Double-D's brain to bring the evil spirit of Timothy the zombie chiropractor back from Cleveland flying coach!"

"For the last time HE'LL BE FINE!" Eddy screamed, going red with anger and frustration. "Let's just get some jawbreakers already!"

What happened next took Eddy completely by surprise. Going instantly from deep sorrow to anger, Ed picked the short boy up by the hair and shook him until the jar of quarters slipped from his grasp. He then picked up the jar and stuffed it into the depths of his jacket, then released Eddy sending him plummeting face first into the dirt.

Eddy looked up and snarled. "What's the big idea? That's my money!"

"No quarters for bad boy Eddy for letting Double-D be devoured!" Ed bellowed, narrowing his eyes.

This was just great. Eddy had managed to successfully fleece the kids of the Cul-De-Sac and get away without losing the cash or being shaken down by the Kankers, and this happens. Ed was the only obstacle standing in the way between Eddy and several mouth-watering jawbreakers. He needed another plan fast.

Eddy smiled. "If I show you that Double-the-Sockhead is still alive will you get off my case and give me back my money?"

"YAY!" Ed cheered. "We're gonna rescue Double-D! We're gonna rescue Double-D!"

Eddy had no intentions of mounting a rescue operation but Ed had already grabbed him by the collar and began dragging him towards town. If Edd was already en-route he'll soon have something to worry about.


	7. Best Laid Plants

Chapter 7: Best Laid Plants

Why Edd ever agreed to these terms and conditions was beyond him, albeit it was better than the alternative. It wasn't as if his image had not been dragged through the mud working with Eddy so it was pretty much another day at the office.

The kids of the Cul-De-Sac had shown amnesty and offered Edd two choices after he had begged for mercy. Either he honored his pledge to work off what was owed, or face the impending beating. Edd was elated when he was given this option but it had its negatives. Until such time as he was out of the red he had to wear an orange jumpsuit with his name and random numbers on it, giving him the appearance of a convicted felon.

"At least it's not a toga. Thank heavens for small favors" he muttered to himself as he approached his first assignment.

Edd just hoped the kids didn't have too many horrors in store.

"Ah glad you could join the son of a Shepard accessory-to-defraud Ed-boy!" Rolf boomed, spotting the boy walking towards him.

Edd smiled. "Hello again Rolf, I'm prepared to offer any assistance that I can".

Maybe assistance was too broad a term. Rolf's work often required a degree of physical strength, something in which Edd was definitely lacking.

Rolf grabbed Edd's wrist and lead him to an empty patch of dirt. "Rolf needs removal of the curse that plagues the efforts of the son of a Shepard!"

The language barrier wasn't doing the boy genius any favors. He wasn't in the least bit superstitious and any idea of a curse, such as that of the tawdry telephone was laughable. However it was hard enough trying to convince Eddy, let alone attempt to do so with one of the most paranoid residents of Peach Creek.

"Curse?" he queried. "Whatever do you mean if you don't mind me asking?"

"Do you not feel it in your intestines intended-criminal Ed-boy?" Rolf responded. "The ground is teeming with the curse of infertility! Rolf's tomato seeds are like lambs to the slaughter!"

The picture was becoming clear. The soil in random areas of the Cul-De-Sac weren't suitable for plant life of any kind, and Edd himself had run into this problem frequently during his botany studies. Back then it seemed even Eddy's sales pitch couldn't fertilize the plants and make them grow. Thankfully Edd found a way around this which earned him a commendation from his tutors.

Edd rummaged around his pockets and produced a small medicine pouch. He opened it and scanned the vials within until he found the one that he needed. Edd unscrewed the lid that included an eye-dropper and held it up, smiling proudly.

"I think I have just the thing for your plants Rolf!" he beamed. "It's guaranteed to work and it is completely non-toxic, as well as friendly to the environment!"

Rolf glared at the eye-dropper. "What kind of sorcery is this warlock Ed-boy? Are you trying to mock Rolf with the producing of itty-bitty squirt gun from Canada?!"

Edd cowered, a little hurt by the accusation. "On the contrary, this is in fact a super-strength fertilization formula I conjured, patent pending of course!"

"Rolf demands that you perform this proposed miracle glasses-of-rose-color Ed-boy!" Rolf snorted, yet to be convinced.

Edd promptly dipped the eye-dropper into the vial, drew a small amount of the fluid and applied it randomly to the soil. "Now please stand back and gaze in awe at the immense power of science!"

The surface instantly began to shake. Rolf tensed up assuming that this was an earthquake but Edd remained calm. Vines covered with leaves burst from the once-baron dirt and ripened tomatoes started to grow. Rolf's jaw dropped at what he had just witnessed, but Edd wasn't surprised in the least bit. In fact, he had taken out a notebook and scribbled furiously.

"I've always hypothesized that this would be the result on vegetable plants but to actually be witness to it is simply astonishing!" exclaimed Edd, recording his observations.

Rolf grabbed one of Edd's wrists again and examined his palms. "How is one with such soft hands enchanted in the Earth spirit?"

"Knowledge is power Rolf," Edd replied, pulling his hand free and pointing to his head.

Rolf smiled. "Rolf still believes wizard-hat Ed-boy is gifted yes? Your secret will be safe with Rolf on code of honor of Urban Ranger!"

"I assure you Rolf, there was no sorcery involved. The dirt was merely-" Edd tried to explain before Rolf shushed him.

"Say no more enchanted Ed-boy! Clearing of debt has been performed!" Rolf bellowed cheerfully, breaking off one of the newly-grown tomatoes and shoving it into the boy's hands. "Please take the laborious product as a token of Rolf's appreciation!"

Edd grinned. "Why thank you Rolf. I'm glad to be of service."

A short distance away within the safety of some hedges, Ed and Eddy watched what had transpired.

"Did you see that?" Eddy asked the taller boy. "That sneak's working for Rolf!"

Ed bit his bottom lip. "I don't know Eddy, I think Rolf is going to feed Double-D to the vine of nastiness!"

"Double-D made the plant grow lunkhead!" Eddy growled. "And you saw it, Rolf was paying him off with that tomato!"

"The tomato is a bad omen Eddy!" Ed yelled. "He has been chosen to hold the beacon of the ravenous plant monster home world also known as Greenland! We must get him before they turn him into creamed corn!"

"No wait!" Eddy yelled, but he was too late. Once Ed gets an idea into his head, there's no stopping him. Ed grabbed the smaller boy's leg and held him up like a sword and charged towards Rolf's property.

"Well I'd like nothing more than to stay and chat, but I'm afraid I have more errands to tend to." Edd noted, starting to trot away.

"Very well then hocus-pocus Ed-boy," Rolf acknowledged. "Be sure to send Rolf's regards to the gods that bestow their blessing!"

Once the boy genius had departed, Rolf turned to admire the vegetables. He was unaware that this would be his only chance to do so.

"I WILL VANQUISH YOU EVIL PLANT MONSTERS!" screamed Ed, swinging Eddy from left to right violently.

Eddy was also quite vocal. "Ed you idiot! Let me go! It's Double-D you should be throwing around!"

Having little time to react, Rolf could only watch in despair. Ed leapt into the mass of tomato plants, slashing every vine and obliterating every tomato with his human sword. Eddy struggled in the taller boy's grasp but he couldn't get free. He just continued to scream upon each impact.

Edd's act of good faith had been undone. The area was desolate once more and every plant had been brought to the ground. Fragments of tomato had been dispersed every which way, including on Rolf's person.

Rolf wasn't amused. "ED-BOYS! You have befouled Rolf's land and brought back the curse of infertility yet again!"

Ed gasped. "He's gonna curse us Eddy!"

"He's not the only one who's gonna curse…" Eddy muttered.

Rolf picked up a rake and started to advance on the pair aggressively. Ed held Eddy over his head and ran, avoiding confrontation with the irate Shepard's son.

Ed continued to scream. "He has vaporized Double-D and now he will destroy us all!"

Eddy wanted to respond but hesitated. He'd have to wait until his friend stopped screaming before anything, if anything, would sink in.


	8. As Good as it Sounds

_OFF: A Message from DM-Stealth_

_I thought I might as well take this moment to say thank you to those that have read Ed to Society and or have added it to their watch lists or favourites. Also I'd like to offer my apologies for the lateness of this chapter as I've been busy workshopping the perils that await Eddward among other things._

_Without further delay, here is Chapter 8!_

_-DM_

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Chapter 8 – As Good As It Sounds

Kevin sat on the fence outside Double-D's house with his arms folded and his face devoid of expression. If allowing the Ed boys attempt to repair his boom-box was a lapse of good judgment he must have been out of his mind to let one talk him into looking at his bike. Until he could legally drive that bike was Kevin's pride and joy and he knew the other kids were impressed by it, especially Nazz. So once again he asked himself, why would he let Double-D anywhere near it?

If there was any bigger mistake made that day, it was leaving the dork alone with it. He could hear the whirring of a power drill and the sound of metal hitting concrete from the boy's garage. For all he knew Eddward was turning the bike into a microscope or some other weird science apparatus. Somehow that boy had the ability to take the fun out of everything he touched.

"You better not be trashing my bike in there Double-Dweeb!" Kevin warned, clenching his fists.

"One moment please!" a voice shouted above the sound of another power tool.

Kevin frowned. "I'll give you ten seconds… ten… nine… eight…"

Before he had reached seven the garage door flew open releasing a cloud of dust, scrap metal and paint fumes. All Kevin could make out was the silhouette of Double-D walking towards him with a contraption by his side. What had the dork done?

"No longer will the transportation of musical entertainment be a burden with the Boom-cycle!" Edd announced as he emerged from the mist.

The bike appeared unharmed but Kevin knew from the boom-box incident that visual inspection doesn't confirm anything. Apart from a rigorous cleaning without the slightest hint of dirt or other contaminant the bike now had metallic objects attached between the handlebars and the body with numerous holes drilled into the sides. The object on the handlebar had a small lid and various switches protruding from its top.

"Boom-cycle huh, I'm not falling for that," Kevin muttered. "You'd better take that booby trap off my bike or you're getting a bruising!"

"I give you my word that this is anything but a booby-trap Kevin," Edd explained. "If you would be so good as to flip that switch I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Kevin was in no mood for surprises. "No way dork! YOU flip that switch!"

Edd tensed up from the athlete's tone, but he obliged and flipped the switch himself. A small lamp lit up next to the switch, followed by a mechanical click noise. The devices started making additional noises that Kevin instantly recognized.

It was his mixtape. Not only had Eddward fixed Kevin's tape and cleaned up his bike, but now he had a sound system!

"How did you…" Kevin began but trailed off in amazement.

Edd smiled proudly. "After the previous… err incident the plastic shell of your boom-box was beyond repair but most of its vital components were still present."

He opened the lid on the handlebar device, revealing the tape mechanism. "I reverse-engineered the inner workings and it was once again functional, but it still needed a new housing. Knowing your keen interest in your pedal-powered vehicle, I thought I'd combine the two."

"Wow…" Kevin answered, struggling to interpret what he had just been told. "So does it still use batteries or what?"

Edd grinned further, showing off his pearly whites. "I'm glad you asked, as this is the feature that I'm most proud of."

He pointed to the device on the body. "Several pedal-driven dynamos, normally used for lighting, both charge the batteries and provide power! Isn't that just brilliant?"

Kevin's attention had wandered during Eddward's explanation and he had started inspecting the other controls. "Choice! It still has the bass and treble, and hey the radio's still there!"

"Pardon me for prying but… have I succeeded in clearing the debt?" Edd asked cautiously.

Kevin snapped out of his amazement and regained his composure. "Uh yeah… I'll let you go this time Double-D. Just watch yourself."

The athlete wasted no time in jumping onto his vehicle and zooming off to flaunt his bike's newest feature to the others. Edd swept up the debris from his work and giggled to himself.

"I suppose this can be classified as 'dirty work'."

Edd might have goofed fixing the chain in the past, but Kevin couldn't believe that one of three dorks had made an improvement to his bike rather than a detriment. Not only that, he was surprised Eddy didn't show his ugly mug and demand a quarter. Double-D rarely tried that type of stunt and he wouldn't want to, given the pretzel legs threat was always hanging in the balance.

Kevin's musings were halted abruptly when he was suddenly catapulted over the handlebars and onto the road. He was ready to blame this on Edd's contraption until he turned around and saw the tallest Ed holding the bike up in the air by the rear wheel.

Ed brought the bike to his ear and listened to the mixtape. "Kevin has turned little Double-D into a mystical talking bicycle!"

"It's not Double-D you idiot!" Eddy shouted, very agitated.

Kevin got up and brushed himself off. "Gimme back my bike dork!"

Ed continued to listen to the sounds the vehicle was emitting. "I didn't know Double-D could sing!"

"Make with the bike or I'll make with the hurt!" Kevin threatened, grabbing the front wheel to pull it away.

"You unhand Double-D the mystical talking bicycle mister!" Ed snapped back, yanking the bike back towards him.

Eddy fumed. "Just give the loser's tricycle back and let's get those jawbreakers!"

Ed and Kevin were focused on the bike so the shortest Ed-boy was white noise at this point. Kevin used all his muscle power to try and retrieve his treasured belonging but Ed was using his almost-inhuman strength to keep hold of what he thought was his friend. The laws of physics finally kicked in and the bicycle could yield no more to this abuse, leaving Kevin with the front end and Ed with the rear.

Kevin blinked in disbelief before narrowing his eyes at the duo. "You dorks are so dead!"

"Drop it and run Ed!" Eddy shrieked, fleeing for safety.

Ed followed close behind, still carrying the bike wreckage. "I think some mayonnaise and bacon bits will turn Double-D into a real boy Gepeddy!"

Kevin pursued the two Ed-boys but lost them as they entered the Peach Creek forest. Those dorks would have to come home sometime, and they'd get what was coming to them.


End file.
